So i havent had the easiest life so far but i wouldnt change a thing because every little detail made me who i am now…
Lets start at the very begining august 11th 1990 4.45am a baby was brought into the world 6lb 9oz and 47cm long. Yep thats me… deana… i was born in hastings (sussex) in buchannan hospital… i was my parents first child. I dont remeber too much from being little untill my not so little sister come into the world 5 years later on september 18th 1995. Little did i know then she would be one of my best friends… (little did i know for the 1st 12 years she would be a giant pain in my bum)
I remeber the first time i see her she was diddy and i loved her. She grew quickly and turned into a little monster.. a cute chubby monster… in december 1996 we moved from hastings to london… south east london… to a place called woolwich.
We had to move because of my dad getting in some trouble with the police. (Dont judge ) my dad was a drug dealer and our house got raided and so we moved.
We moved into an average sized 3 bedroom flat on the top floor, the 3rd floor. I remember the day because i was happy i could reach the taps to the kitchen sink (im a shot arse)
It was great because the play area was right outside my bedroom window. For the first few weeks i remember watching other children out there. Untill my mum let me out to play.
I would ride my bike round the park and around the block of flats. I made frieds quick on the estate (still friends now)
I started school in the january and was very shy for alteast …. well untill i left school… i wasnt a big people person. (How things change )
When i was 8 my mum and dad wernt getting on much and by the time i was 9 my dad left us… it was my mums fault… she had a drinking problem and well she cheated on him… my dad did what he could for us and my mum never appreciated it. (Well from a 9 year olds point of view)
Mum and dad fought and dad left.
I was so upset… i was a daddys girl (still am) my dad came back once and tried to run away with my little sister ciara.. it upset me that he didnt try to take me.. a man from the estate got my sister and brought her back…. i had counciling from the age of 8 untill i was 15…. it never helped.
Once my dad left my mum went off the rails completely drinking and taking drugs. She was depressed… she would go out and come home with strangers. She would forget to collect us from school. For a few months she calmed down as she started working… just a small cleaning job 3 times a week, but it was enough to keep her mind busy. Then again mum went off the rails and was really bad drinking taking cocaine amd then she would pick on me. She beat me up for months untill one day i retaliated, i hit her back, i was scared but she just walked off and went to her room… I was 12… she smashed a mirror over my head. I had cuts on my back on my neck and in my head. My sister slept safely in her room (thank god) i cleaned the broken mirror and then myself. I got dressed for school and then got my sister dressed and took her to school. When i got to my school (30mins on bus away) i told my teacher. She then got in contact with the social services.
It went on for a couple of years before the social services done anything. There were times when id have to grab my sister and take her out of the flat in the middle of the night ecause mum was threattening to burn the place down.
When i was 14 i was put into foster care and so was ciara. Ciara went to my aunts in north london (she still lives there now.. 10 years on)
I got fostered my my best friends mum.
The twins corina and selina.. id met them on the estate when i was 6. I was used to their home because id always spend time there. We went to school together we were inseperable. I lived there for just over 2 years. Was great most of the time but 3 teenage girls were bound to cause a bit of drama hehehe… we use to sneak out get drunk and cause havoc…
One year it was the twins birthday… sweet 16.. so we were having friends over. Melissa One of my closest friends came to do my hair for the party… she left to go get ready at her house… she never came back… she never made it home either… she had an asthma attack on the bus home and became unconsious… the ambulance never got there quick enough… she died. We never knew.. untill 9pm on the 13th may 2006 the police knocked on the door asking for me !!
I was worried … i hadnt done anything wrong… i spoke to them and they asked if i knew melissa… i said yeah what she done joking around with nerves… they told me she was in hospital on life support machine.
I froze with fear… i couldnt talk i couldnt cry i was in shock…. they told me i was the person she asked for before she passed out a man .. a stranger was with her for the last minutes and she needed me.
I was a mess. I visited her a few times and her parents decided to turn off the life support… her funeral was the hardest day of my life. We had plans so many plans… but that was it they wernt ever going to happen.
I went off the rails a bit i messed up my gcses and got drunk alot.
I soon realised that being reckless wasnt gonna solve anything. I calmed down.
That year i finished school and my aunt took me away to cyprus withy sister and the family. It was nice id never been abroard before ..
I got back and started college.
16 years old and at college doing catering… i loved to cook and thats what i wanted to do.. in november 2006 i found out i was pregnant…. SHOCKED doesnt cover it.. it could only be one person….. i told him… i told the family… i didnt want kids… i want a kids kinda person… april quickly came round. I moved into a flat. 16 and pregnant… yep that was me…
The labor was scary and hard… i had gas and air… my mum was there my aunt was there and jack (the sperm donor) was there…
He got stuck and come out with his hand on his face…
Joshua was born on 17th april 2007 at 11.37pm 5lb 9oz
This child changed my life.
It never worked between me and jack. He wanted to be a teenage boy and i didnt want that round my baby.
I met sean in 2004 through a friend. In december 2007 we got together.. he was great… was amazing with joshua and just seemed great. He was in the army so wasnt around too much. Came home every weekend and when on leave.
In feb 2008 i got pregnant and had a misscarraige. Then byay i was pregnant again…. With freddie … pregnancy went quick. He was born 17th february 2009 at 6.33 am 6lb 4oz.
Sean proposed… i said yes…
After freddie came things were different. Sean turned agressive towards me. It was steroids.
He was obsessed with his body… needed muscles.. needed them bigger…
He soon turned voilent and hit me…
I didnt know what to do.
My thoughts were i wouldnt cope on my own. So i stayed.
We got married in the november 2009.
Moved from london to wiltshire. We lived in army accomodation a 3 bedroom house on a pad estate (military estate)
I hated it…
I knew no one … i had no one. Just me and the 2 boys.
Sean would be moody and abusive.
Hit me on a weekly basis… but now i was trapped…
No friends near no family near… nothing.
In 2010 sean was cheating on me we argued and he broke my jaw.
I got a restraining order against him. I was scared and lonely…
In the february 2011 he came to me and asked to take the kids away … i said no ! Not without me…
At the end of april i found myself on a plane to argentina… (i thought it was in spain… im a bit thick) little did i know it was in south america.
it wasnt the nicest place. But we went to the zoo and the hotel was nice.
On the way back. We got stopped at customed and searched…
I didnt know what to think.
They put us in a room took sean away somewhere. Left us there for about 6 hours. I didnt understand anything they were saying.. then a horrid woman come in… she was a translater. She asked if id packed my bags. The answer was no ! I had 2 small children to deal with sean done the packing.
They kept asking me the same question. But they wouldnt tell me why i was there…
they give us a sandwich after 12 hours of being stuck in a cold tiny room.
Aparently sean thought it was a good idea to smuggle drugs to the uk… and got caught…
(Why is it everyone in my life is revolved around some kind of drugs)
we were arrested. I stayed in a womens prison with my 2 kids for a week before they moved me to a nunnery… (yes a nunnery with nuns )
When there i shared a room with 8 other people.
I had no privacy. And wasnt allowed to leave (house arrest)
After a few weeks it came back that i was not guilty and was allowed to leave. But sean got charged.
I still didnt have my passport (the courts are really slow in south america)
I stayed at the nunnery. (the other women that lived there were all there due to relationship abuse) for 6 weeks i had still no privacy and no one had respect or hygiene standards.
Others would steal my belongings,
There was not much i could do due to the language barrier.
The food was amazing the nuns were lovely too…. Found me some english books to read.. my boys were learning spanish with one of the nuns too.
My dad (who i had no contact with for nearly 8 years… ) wrote to me on fb amd he sent me some money to get me by out there. we went on day trips to the zoo to the river plate. And round the shops.
I finally got my passport back in july…
Now was the proplem of finding 1500 pound to get tickets home.
The british embassy were useless and would have left me and my kids there to rot…
The british army (i was still an army wife) paid for my tickets home.
When i gor home i went into supported housing. me and the boys got home on 18th july 2011.
I was depressed. Because of sean id lost everything. My home my belongings and me… i wasnt myself.
I was lonlely and depressed. I started talking to a friend (mark) id met through another friend back in wiltshire who was back in london.
He came to see me. We Spent some time together was nice to have the company.
I moved from the supported housing to a flat in north london at the end of october 2011…
In the next couple of months we started seeing eachother… (clearly stated it wasnt a relationship just company and fun)
Mark asked me to spend xmas with him ans his kids.
After 10 months we labeled it a relationship.
It went down hill from then.
I found out he lied and cheated several times. december 2012 we split.
We did see eachother on and off after this.
15th february 2013 i went to a friend of a friends birthday party.. where i met the other half (jamie) …
Was a quiet party untill jamie turned up.
Id has a couple of vodka lemonades and was standing at the bar (its all i could do in the heels i was wearing that night) when jamie tapped me on the shoulder and passed me a shot glass with something in it… he said thats for u… i drank it as i did he shouted no no no…. so i spat it back into the glass nearly choking… he laughed .. i was imbarrased… sambucca dribbiling down my chin… he then said okay now drink it.. i did… 2 hours later he is still buying shots for me and several others. I went outside with a friend. Jamie walked out called me over and kissed me… (i was shocked ) (id never been the girl to kiss a stranger)
He give me his number before i left.
I was totally drunk and what happened next was a bit slutty haha…
I got home and i called him… he come round and well…. dot …dot…dot…
Woke up the next day in shock.. id never invited anyone to my flat
Let alone a stranger and doing YOU KNOW WHAT….
Anyway he left and i went back to sleep for the whole day and night. Woke up on the 17th february to a few messages from jamie…
He was keen… hahaha
I played it out and didnt txt back till that evening. We arranged to meet for lunch a few days later…
Was crazy how comfrotable it was to sit and chat.
We were pretty serious very quick. Was great and he was like me.. weirdly…
We get on great even 19months on. We had ups and downs….
In december i found out i was pregnant… jamie wasnt to happy we didnt speak for a few weeks cos we couldnt agree on what was best.
We had our scan and it all changed we were happy.
My pregnancy was good. I kept busy.
I made my facebook group called summer bumps and babies. And i made some amazing friends and met some lovely women. Group still going strong. And was an amazing experience to go through all these pregnancies and births with these wonderful women. And now watching these babies grow and develop.
My joey was one of the last babies to come from the 200 members in the group. Joey was born o the 2nd september at 2.18pm 6lb 9oz (same as me ) and 50cm long
My biggest baby so far (shhh dont tell jamie i want one more hehehe)
Well thats my life so far and i wouldnt change a thing because im so happy with where and who i am now.
Thanks for reading my story 🙂